Friendship--An Introduction
January 2004
Banner photo: Hokkaido, Japan ©SEKAI BUNKA PHOTO
Creating a Strong Community
Mary often helped out in a local flower shop after first hugging all the staff.
The Project Friendship Society encourages the citizens of Prince George (pop. 80,000), British Columbia, Canada, to find ways to welcome isolated people with special needs into the community through local interest groups and associations. As we work to establish community connections for people who are generally negatively labeled, we ensure that these connections are based on those people's abilities rather than their disabilities. Such connections create opportunities for true friendships to develop, for experience to be gained and confidence built.
The Project Friendship Society was formed as a charity in 1989 by Bob Harkins and myself. In the first year five people were referred, including Mary, whose story is told below. We now maintain connections for around 60 people a year.
Project Friendship is committed to building a stronger and more diverse community. We believe that a strong community is one where everyone contributes: young, old, disabled or otherwise; we see that participation creates a happier, healthier, more productive community.
Ending Isolation
Often people with disabilities, illnesses or injuries lack opportunities to participate and are not given a chance to contribute. Isolation and loneliness are often the result of overprotection, low income, lack of access and transportation. Project Friendship helps people overcome such obstacles by encouraging sharing; and help is given freely by our network of volunteers. Most people are referred to us by social services or by families, but we also receive calls from people with special needs saying, "I want a friend, please."
Everyone has interests, gifts and dreams. All they need is encouragement to develop their abilities and fulfill their dreams. Helping them achieve this can be incredibly rewarding.
We nurture the connections, creating opportunities for multiple relationships to develop. The length of this process varies depending on the severity of the person's special needs and the availability of opportunities in the community.
Project Friendship has developed a community inventory, listing nearly 1,000 local community associations and interest groups. The Prince George Connector--A Guide to Local Clubs & Interest Groups helps us find connection opportunities and bridge the gap between service providers and the community.
One of our first connections was for Mary. She was a champion hugger. You could run into Mary anywhere, and she would give you a great big smile and squeeze you with the warmest of hugs. It didn't matter how frustrated you were with life; all would be forgotten with a smile and a hug from Mary.
Mary was intellectually disabled. She couldn't cross the street on her own or speak more than a few words. When her parents died, she was placed in a group home where three men had been housed following institutional release. Due to their extreme behaviors, Mary would be kept in her room, unless a caregiver was with her.
Over time we became familiar with Mary's gifts and abilities. She loved to share food and help prepare meals. She was always the first to initiate the cleanup and expected everyone to help. Mary loved children, and she was creative and loved to color.
Connection
We connected Mary with the daycare center at a local college. There are not too many children aged three to five who don't need constant hugs, and we had a champion hugger. The staff appreciated Mary because she was good at helping prepare and clean up lunch. The children loved Mary because it's a very special adult who will take the time to color and play with them. Her visits to the daycare went from a couple of hours one day a week to every day.
Mary passed away in 1993. Nearly 200 people attended her funeral. They came to celebrate Mary's life and share stories about how Mary, who had been born mentally handicapped, nonverbal and dependent on others for her care, touched so many lives. If she had been closeted away to keep her safe, she would never have been able to give our community her gift of happiness that she gave so freely.
Mary is just one of many people who have found a way to become a fully integrated, valued member of the community. We still only reach a small percentage of people with special needs, but we are changing attitudes, and paradigm shifts are often slow.
