photo
SHARE | PRINT | TEXT SIZE: | RSS

So Much to Say, So Much to Do

By Hector Verdugo
Hector Verdugo   [Los Angeles Times photo by Annie Wells]

Hector Verdugo is a peer navigator for Homeboy Industries, an organization in southern California which helps rebuild the lives of former gang members after prison. He himself joined a gang when he was 14. At the age of 24, he gave up his criminal life. Hector started to write poetry as a result of taking part in the Homeboy Industries writing class. He is also an outreach speaker for Homeboy Industries and is currently raising money to launch a poetry magazine Homeboy Press next year.

What is your experience of writing a poem?

We have a healing circle right here at Homeboy Industries. We start off with prayer and poetry. We go into a subject and talk about it, about how the subject is related to your life. I remember [the poet] reading something about "from grapes to wine," and I zoned out when I heard that. Then I wrote something straight away. It was cool, it was pretty rough. I took it with me somewhere, to a retreat in northern California. Then I just made it a little fuller, and I read it at the end of that retreat. I was very satisfied with the way I wrote it--everyone liked it.

How about other people's reactions?

We are surrounded by people who are just like us. We come from the same world, and we say our story in certain ways, and we present our frustrations and our joys. When you think deep and put it in some kind of poetic form, it's only 200 words long, but in that short time, you make someone feel what you felt, whether it be hurt, joy, love or hate. When I hear my friend reciting the poetry of his life, he is giving me a glimpse of his soul. I wouldn't have known about that in any other way. Nobody wants to open up and express themselves, especially not Chicanos. We are very private people, but when we write poetry, it is like an open book.

So does poetry get to the heart?

It is a tribute. There are people from all over the world who are famous poets. There are different perspectives and totally different worlds. There are people from Japan, South America and Africa; expression is great, whether it be music or poetry or whatever. I would say that poetry is thinking and trying to make sense of something. It's not just off the top of your head; it takes energy and deep thinking. Sometimes you are digging away, writing something, and you feel pain and anger. You want to express it, and words start coming to your mind. Sometimes I get a word and I think, "I don't really know that word." Then I doubt myself, pick up the dictionary and say, "That was the word I was looking for."

Do you find it pushes you?

Not a lot of people want to expose their souls. It takes courage to say, "I am going to write this down, and I might have to eventually read it to somebody." I want to take one word and have it mean so much, which, with my limited vocabulary and education, is frustrating. Then I find myself getting caught up in other activities that don't require deep thinking.

When you first discover you have a voice as a poet, what does that feel like?

It's cool--there is so much to say. I want to be able to scream at the top of my lungs and express more than words; I want to give more, write some kind of drama. There's so much more to do.

Do you feel that you discovered poetry at the right time in your life?

I've prayed to God and asked for understanding, and I feel he has answered me in so many different ways. I think about my life and other people and why we act the way we do or perhaps fail and sometimes succeed. A big puzzle has been put together for me. I don't know if that's a universal thought; it is just life. It inspires poetry. All the different walks of life, everyone's different experiences, the way people see love and emotions and circumstances and physical stuff. Poems will come to you beautifully in your mind, but then it's gone. To get it down on paper is hard work, and it takes discipline.

It sounded like you want to change something there with your poems.

What we do right here at Homeboy Industries, we change people's lives. It's beautiful to be a part of. If someone could record this, this is poetry; it feels like it.

What is your plan for the immediate future?

Write more, lock myself in a room. . . .

My Vine

I'm a grape yearning to be wine
Squash me
See my soul, my flesh
spills its juices.
Let it stand exposed
Rotting for all to see
I sit still marinating in ghetto air
I fill your glass, sip me.
Let me overwhelm your pallet with
My exotic flavor, taste my rage,
Mixed with honor and passion, swish me in your mouth
And taste the hint of humility, love, and hate.

Excerpt from "My Vine"
by Hector Verdugo

TOP