Mentoring: A Path of Growth
January 2010
Banner photo: Road to Purse Caundle, U.K. [©David Noton/Getty Images]
Youth Mentoring: An Idea Whose Time Has Come
All of us can recall those individuals who provided us with support, guidance, encouragement and friendship at pivotal moments in our lifetime. Perhaps it was the neighbor next door who gave us cookies and milk after school when our parents were not home but also offered a listening ear; a nonjudgmental grandparent or an inspiring teacher who took a special interest in us.
Many young people acquire the skills to seek out and surround themselves with one if not multiple mentors on their own. Others never will unless formal mentoring programs deliberately match them with a caring advocate who offers guidance and helps them develop their competence and character.
During my 36 years as a public school teacher and central office administrator, I never witnessed a more powerful intervention to make a difference in the lives of young people of all ages than mentoring. I would visit classrooms in my urban community and wonder why so many students seemed unmotivated and unchallenged. When I asked teachers their opinion, the universal answer was that many of these youth had no one who cared about them.
I determined to do something about that and was a pioneer in designing school-based mentoring as well as mentoring at other sites, known as site-based mentoring in America. Today, positive role models are serving as mentors a minimum of one hour a week and can be adults, postsecondary students or, for that matter, high school youth mentoring those who are younger. Currently there are three million youngsters in formal mentoring relationships in the United States alone. As a result of the proliferation of all kinds of formal mentoring programs that have emerged over the past two decades, we can declare that finally, mentoring has become a movement across this world.
Someone Who Cares
There are programs to address the needs of youth being raised by relative caregivers, that is, grandparents and great-grandparents who are caring for their grandchildren; children of prisoners and those in the juvenile justice system; youth in foster care, as well as runaways, the homeless and incarcerated and youth living on Native American reservations. There are programs for young people who do not fall into any of those categories but are recommended by professionals and others because they could benefit from a relationship with a supportive and committed mentor.
Mentoring is an idea whose time has come. It is a straightforward, relatively inexpensive, volunteer-driven approach that simply recalls the importance of at least one caring individual who is making a difference in the life of another.
Mentoring offers that special "human capital" that motivates youth to learn, and stimulates them to become lifelong independent thinkers, responsible and caring individuals and contributors to society.
Youth are challenged today by numerous and often overwhelming issues including negative feelings about themselves, risky behavior, hopelessness, peer and family pressures, substance abuse, depression and isolation.
While mentoring does not solve all of the issues facing young people today, it is having a profound effect on many. Youth, known as "mentees," who were disengaged from school are finding a reason not to drop out. Youth who were involved in risky behavior are beginning to see the value of "hanging around" with friends who are headed in a positive direction. I have seen a remarkable reduction in unexcused absences from school, cigarette smoking and abuse of alcohol and drugs. Mentees who have been mentored are volunteering to become mentors themselves in order to give back for their blessings. Mentors are influencing youth to improve their attitudes and behavior and simply "make something of their lives." In my own experience with programs in rural, suburban and urban communities in the United States, Canada, Sweden, Singapore and Bermuda, I have witnessed the power of just one consistent individual who can make a difference. Young people are starving today, but it is not for a healthy meal; it is for attention.
Best of all, mentoring is two-directional. Not only do the youth benefit from the special relationship, but mentors say that the time spent with their mentee is often the best part of their week. The growth and satisfaction mentors gain through the mentoring experience spills over into their relationships with their partners and children, and is reflected in an improved attitude to life.
Growing Together
I designed the school-based mentoring pilot in 1986 while working as a central office administrator in an urban school district in Norwalk, Connecticut, U.S.A. I was so busy developing and implementing the components that it would be seven years before I made the decision to take on the important commitment of becoming a mentor myself. I was matched by the school counselor with a seven-year-old second grader at one of our local elementary schools.
My mentee was already experiencing many issues and facing obstacles. In the early years, we were engaged in fun activities such as reading together or working on an arts and crafts project. Coincidentally she and I share the same birthday. She had never celebrated a birthday at school as there was no one to bring in food for the big day from home. When I decided to bring cupcakes for her to share with her class, it was a defining moment in our relationship.
As my mentee entered the middle school years, she struggled with academic work and interacting with her peers. At this stage in the relationship, I believed that my most important role was as her advocate, seeking the proper resources in the school and community to assist her. Because she did not have adequate parental support, we focused a great deal of time on positive behavior, getting along with peers and doing well in school.
By the time my mentee was ready to handle the high school years, she became the first in her family to think about college. Our sessions examined what courses she needed to take to be accepted into college, extracurricular and community service projects to make her a well-rounded individual, writing a résumé and especially setting realistic goals with deadlines as she worked toward graduating from high school and entering the next phase of her life.
Along this important continuum, I realized that high school graduation did not mark the end of our relationship. Helping her gain financial independence, become accepted at the local community college, obtain a job and even study for her driver's license were yet another phase of an uncompleted journey. My mentee has acquired determination and motivation with my continued support at her side. She just turned 23. There have been many bumps along the way for her, but she is overcoming her many challenges and reaping the benefits of a long-term relationship. We are very good friends, I am her confidant, and I often contemplate that she needs me more now for guidance and advice than when she was little.
For me this has been one of the most rewarding relationships of my life. I have gained a better understanding of the many challenges faced by those less fortunate than me. I have learned about the importance of being a good listener and have become far more patient and understanding. Mentoring taught me to respect other cultures and races and how to become the best positive role model that I can be. When I am with my mentee, I often feel like a kid again. Mentoring is a "win-win" relationship.
Dr. Susan G. Weinberger is the president of the Mentor Consulting Group in Norwalk, Connecticut, U.S.A. She was a pioneer in the development of school- and site-based mentoring, and her model has been replicated throughout the world. Dr. Mentor, as she is affectionately known, was honored by the White House in 1993 for her work in mentoring.
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