Living with Courage
July 2012
Banner photo: Playing basketball at Nkhulambe Secondary School in Blantyre District, Malawi [© Alfredo Caliz/Panos Pictures]
Beginning It
Howard Hill, based in London, UK, describes how his new life began at 50.
For 20 years, I worked in the TV industry as a writer/director, latterly producing documentaries about movies and music. In June 2002, my contract came to an end, but I was feeling very confident and sure that I would soon find new work based on my extensive experience.
However, the TV industry was undergoing a revolution spearheaded by the advent of reality TV. After months of fruitless job hunting, I had a conversation with an established producer who told me that, though he admired my work, sadly no one was making programs like that any more. I knew instantly that this spelled the end of my career.
I was rapidly approaching my 50th birthday and my debts were spiraling, and suddenly I had no career. So what to do now? The only other thing I had any aptitude for was computers. I'd had a Macintosh for several years, and due to over-curiosity had frequently had to spend hours learning to fix it. Maybe I could make some money offering my services locally . . .
Some years before, I had attended a lecture about Buddhism during which the speaker remarked that the Buddha nature manifests in our lives as courage. This was certainly what I needed now.
A couple of weeks later, I found myself walking the streets on a freezing cold day stuffing flyers through letterboxes. I found myself sadly reflecting that at this point, I was hoping to have established a more stable life. However, as my courage returned, my next thought was, "The sun is shining, I am living in a city I love, and this afternoon I have my first client." The phone soon began to ring with many local clients and my new career had begun.
After a couple of months, I began to yearn for a new creative outlet. My lifetime passion has been music, and in particular the whole dance music genre that emerged in the late 80s. One evening at a party with friends, I overheard a conversation in which someone was describing the new digital mixing consoles coming onto the market that enabled one to mix music digitally in much the same way that DJs usually work with vinyl. The next day I went to purchase one, and a few days later found myself persuading my local pub landlord to let me start DJing once a week in an upstairs room. Since those first nervous gigs, I've gone on to have a number of residencies in bars, clubs and restaurants, as well as playing marathon sets of up to nine hours for lavish parties, and I have just completed my 40th broadcast on the American dance station Frisky Radio.
Over the past few years, I have reflected frequently on what that lecturer said about the importance of courage.
It occurred to me that courage in itself is something of an abstract concept. What makes it real is the addition of another word--action! It is courageous action that can change the world.
I think many people wrongly think that courage is a quality that they either have or don't have, or alternatively hope that at some point courage will flood their lives and enable them to take a step forward into the unknown. However, from my experience of starting on new journeys at a time when many people think that they are looking toward retirement, I have come to realize that being courageous does not mean that you are not terrified or frightened. What is important is that you take action, even though you might be terrified.
The future is always uncertain and can often be frightening, so I now see courage as an essential element of a happy life. I am frequently encouraged by a couplet attributed to Goethe: "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."
