The Search for Meaning: Creative Responses to Depression
October 2007
Banner photo: Davis McCardle/Getty Images
Dr. Salvador Santiago-Negrón--Creating Supportive Societies
SGI President Ikeda greets Dr. Santiago-Negrón (left) and his wife in Tokyo (May 2001)
[©Seikyo Shimbun]
When I met with Puerto Rican psychologist and president of Carlos Albizu University Dr. Salvador Santiago-Negrón, we agreed on the growing importance of psychology in our world, with the many things it has to teach us about human relations.
The interaction between a mother and child affords a clear example of the value of applying psychological principles in everyday life. Imagine a conversation between a mother and her three-year-old son, who is trying to cut an apple with a sharp knife.
"Put that knife down!" says the mother. "You're going to cut your finger."
"No, I won't cut myself!" retorts the child.
"Yes, you will!" responds the mother angrily.
This only makes the child more determined. "No, I'm not!"
"Give me the knife!" shouts the mother, even angrier.
"NO!!" shouts the child.
Then the mother suddenly remembers a principle of psychology she has learned--that every accusatory "you" message can be turned into a non-blaming "I" message. She pauses a moment, and then, in a tone of voice free from anger, says: "When I see you holding that sharp knife, I feel scared. I worry that you might cut yourself."
The child looks calmly at his mother and, after she reiterates her concern, relinquishes the knife to her, without anger or argument. His mother had found a way of speaking to him that didn't hurt his pride, that respected him as an individual, and he responded in kind.
Of course, simply finding the right way of addressing others won't always solve life's problems. People aren't machines, and there is no single answer that will always work. Cultural differences also play a role, and the best methods may differ from culture to culture.
Most people expend an incredible amount of energy trying to change others. We think, "If only he would change," "If only she would stop being that way!" But in fact, trying to change others often only makes them resent us more, and is rarely effective.
Dr. Santiago-Negrón is also active in applying psychology to social problems. He stresses the need for a broad-ranging support system, which he calls "social capital," to support the mental health of our societies: "Social capital is defined as the ability to develop solidarity groups, the ability to develop social strength and the ability to develop a group that could sustain you when you feel weak, when you feel sick, when you feel sad, when you feel disoriented, when you feel that you need support as another human being . . . that [lack of support] is what is creating most of the mental health problems in society today."
Another problem the psychologist has devoted much attention to is domestic violence. Domestic violence is not limited to physical violence; it can include verbal abuse and psychological violence. Some people treat their partner like a prisoner, monitoring his or her telephone calls and mail in an attempt to isolate the person from society. As this violence persists, the victims often become so robbed of self-esteem that they believe they actually deserve to be abused and mistreated.
Dr. Santiago-Negrón regards violence as an illness and suggests it should be approached as a public health issue: "Tuberculosis, pertussis [whooping cough], diphtheria: We conquered them because we studied them. The same thing applies to violence. You have to study the risk factors. Why do some communities participate and others not? What are the motivations?"
War Begins at Home
Child abuse is also a terrible social problem, and some suggest that the attitude that problems can be solved by forceful, violent means is learned by children from their parents. Abuse is a cycle that runs from generation to generation. Alice Miller, a renowned German psychotherapist, writes: "Children who are lectured to, learn how to lecture; . . . if scolded, they learn how to scold; if ridiculed, they learn how to ridicule; if humiliated, they learn how to humiliate; if their psyche is killed, they will learn how to kill--the only question is who will be killed: oneself, others, or both."
If this theory is true, then the roots of war itself are to be found in the family. Adults, Dr. Santiago-Negrón affirms, have a responsibility to set an example of nonviolence for young people.
There is a reason that Dr. Santiago-Negrón is so sensitive to the domination of force. His homeland, Puerto Rico, has been subjugated and colonized by other nations for centuries--first by the Spanish and then by the United States. The people of this island nation have always been forced to follow someone else's rules, both in terms of politics and religion. What a terrible feeling of oppression and frustration it is, when a people are not free to determine their own future or that of their society!
Dr. Carlos Albizu, founder of the Carlos Albizu University and mentor of Dr. Santiago-Negrón
[©Seikyo Shimbun]
Just when these feelings were weighing most heavily on him as a young man, he met an inspiring teacher, and his life was transformed: the psychologist Dr. Carlos Albizu, founder of Carlos Albizu University. Dr. Santiago-Negrón was 18 at the time, and, like a sponge, he absorbed everything he could from this wonderful mentor.
He recalls Dr. Albizu as a man overflowing with love and affection, a genuine inspiration to others. He was an excellent listener. He invited students to his home and listened to their views and opinions with great interest. Sometimes, Dr. Santiago-Negrón recalls, such gatherings would stretch on to 3:00 in the morning, ranging over an incredibly wide variety of subjects. Looking back on those sessions, he calls them an unforgettable experience.
The Power of Gratitude
"Thank you" is a miraculous expression. We feel good when we say it, and we feel good when we hear it.
When we speak or hear the words "thank you," the armor falls from our hearts and we communicate on the deepest level. "Thank you" is the essence of nonviolence. It contains respect for the other person, humility and a profound affirmation of life. It has strength. A person who can sincerely say thank you has a healthy, vital spirit, and each time we say it, our heart sparkles.
I was deeply moved by the profound gratitude Dr. Santiago-Negrón felt for his mentor, Dr. Albizu. Being grateful for the support that so many other people have given us--that awareness, that feeling, that joy--will bring us even greater happiness. Rather than being grateful because we are happy, the feeling of gratitude itself actually brings us happiness. Prayers with a spirit of gratitude, too, harmonize most effectively with the rhythm of the universe and turn our lives in a positive direction.
When we cannot say "thank you," our personal growth stops. When we are growing, we can see how wonderful others are, too. When we stop growing, all we see are other people's faults.
In our families, instead of trying to change our partners, children or siblings, why not start with the simple utterance, "Thank you"?
In order to surmount the barriers and overcome the hardships we encounter on our way through life, says Dr. Santiago-Negrón, we need an optimistic belief that we can triumph over them. And to become optimistic, he adds, one needs to have contact with inspiring, optimistic people.
We can change our lives, our families, our workplaces, our communities, our societies and the world. We do not need to give up on our dreams of change. As a Puerto Rican peace activist has said: "Having money is not what makes a person rich; true wealth is having a dream."
