Bridging the Digital Divide
October 2000
Banner photo: ©SEKAI BUNKA PHOTO
Charting My Own Life
Susana on stage (May 2000)
When I was a child, Argentina was under the control of an oppressive military junta. Innocent citizens were falsely accused and thrown into prison for no offense, or they simply just "disappeared." People were sometimes executed for no other reason than that their names were found to be listed in the notebooks of opponents of the regime.
My aunt was an antigovernment lawyer, so my family was always under close surveillance. When I was five, in June of 1976, we lived with my grandmother in Cordova. One night there was a sudden burst of machine gun fire, and all the windows were shattered. My parents, both doctors, were aware of the danger and were in hiding elsewhere, but they had never expected that government troops would fire on innocent children and the elderly. My elder brother and sister, my grandmother and I were all safely asleep, so, luckily, we were unhurt; but when my parents returned the next morning, their fear and surprise forced them to make the decision to flee to Germany, where my father's parents had been born.
We lived peacefully in Germany for the next eight years, going to school and making friends. My parents were extremely homesick, and I grew up believing that Argentina was the most wonderful country in the world. Today, my most treasured memory of Germany is of meeting my aunts, uncles and other relatives who, like us, had fled to Europe to escape government oppression.
In 1984, the military junta collapsed and we returned to Argentina, but what we found was totally unexpected. Although my parents' old friends greeted us warmly, we discovered that when we went to school, we were scorned for having opposed the regime and for fleeing the country. We were treated as if we were traitors. Having lived in Germany from the age of 5 to 13 made it extremely difficult for me to find friends back in Argentina. I felt as if, once again, I was faced with an entirely new culture, and I had to learn completely new ways of doing things.
Susana (second from left) with Carola and her parents in Cordova
My sister Carola and I somehow survived in this environment for the first few years, but when my sister turned 20, she developed insomnia and suffered from hallucinations that the military police were searching for us. I was 17 at that time and struggling with a serious identity crisis, and my sister's unstable condition only exacerbated my problem.
Four years later, my sister and I were introduced to Buddhism by one of my university classmates. My sister started to practice immediately, but I wasn't interested at first. Then I began to see that my sister's problems, which no counselor had been able to cure, suddenly started to disappear. I was very surprised and curious about what had caused this rapid change, especially since I myself was also having psychological problems. I decided to join the SGI in February 1994. My loneliness and instability began to disappear day by day as a result of my prayers and the warmth of my fellow members. Eventually I discovered within myself the courage to face my problems and the conviction that I could overcome any anguish, no matter how intense.
At the time I joined the SGI, I was only a few months away from graduating from the school of theater at the University of Cordova. I was preparing my thesis with the classmate who had introduced me to Buddhism. My first benefit was getting a job as a drama teacher in a kindergarten, where I am still working today. At present, I am also teaching at primary and secondary schools.
I started working as an actress in a theater group called La Cochera in 1992 after having studied for three years with the director. Since then I have acted in children's plays and in several plays for adults. I played the main part of Shen The in Brecht's The Good Person of Szechwan, and I have also had important parts in Ibsen's An Enemy of the People and other plays. In 1995 I acted in an Argentine-Cuban coproduction filmed in Cuba. This was an important experience for me. At present I am working on a theatrical creation that draws from three Shakespearian plays, Macbeth, Othello and King Lear, in which I play the part of Desdemona.
Thanks to my practice of Buddhism, I have come to understand that my career is the same as my spiritual mission. Every time I am on stage I think that I must give my best to the audience and encourage the other actors to do the same. As a result, understanding has deepened between us, and we have made progress in our work. In the past, I had difficulty in relationships with other people. Due to my insecurity, I often felt alone and that I was not being accepted and loved for myself. Thanks to Buddhism, I've been able to transform this feeling. I enjoy my job much more than ever and feel freer in expressing myself. Instead of worrying about what others think of me, I try to improve my work and transmit to others my strength and tranquillity. Faith has given me the patience and conviction to persevere and to chart my own destiny.
In Germany, 1982 (Susana is second from right)
Sometimes it is difficult for me to press ahead with the complete confidence that I will achieve all my goals. Also, when something goes wrong, I sometimes have the tendency to feel overwhelmed and to react with intolerance toward myself and other people. Although I do not yet have complete mastery of my mind, I feel that I have the potential to attain this state. The greatest benefit of my Buddhist practice is the chance to do my "human revolution," that is, to reform my inner life. I am extremely thankful to have SGI President Ikeda as a teacher who, through his own example, has shown me the importance of never giving up and of always looking to the future. Over the years I have come to understand that youth doesn't depend on one's age but, rather, on one's spirit.
My dreams for the future are to develop my capacity as a human being and as an actress who is active in society. Through my work and my relationships with other people, I want to reveal truth and transmit happiness. I also hope to communicate the culture of my country by having the opportunity to perform abroad.
I believe that the various problems I have faced in my life would remain grudges in my heart if I hadn't started practicing Buddhism. My Buddhist practice has enabled me to develop the determination and compassion to help prevent people from having to suffer the same things that I suffered. It is the source of my conviction to stand up against evil. I can now see that all those sufferings are actually my great benefit.
