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SGI members’ experiences in faith

Forging Fabulous Friendships

by Brian Milne, Scotland
Brian with a friend at the 2003 SGI Scotland General Meeting [Erid Trevett]

"Peace is not something to be left to others in distant places. It is something we create day to day in our efforts to cultivate care and consideration for others, forging bonds of friendship and trust in our respective communities through our own actions and example."

I first used the above quotation, from President Ikeda's annual peace proposal, in June 2000 to encourage and inspire the members of SGI-UK and their friends and family who had gathered in central London to steward a sponsored walk to raise money for people living with and affected by HIV and AIDS. In that moment I felt committed to opening my life and sharing my heart with each and every person and to cultivating the greatest care and consideration in my community. It was a day where friendships were deepened and developed.

Culture of Peace

I regularly refer back to these words as I find their apparent simplicity encouraging and I benefit from being reminded of what my Buddhist practice is about. So what is it about? Creating a culture of peace through my daily efforts to care for and be considerate of others and myself and, in the process, creating friendships and trust within my Buddhist community, my family, my work and my neighborhood.

I had been practicing Nichiren Buddhism for eight years at this point and had been involved in many SGI activities at a local, national and European level where great emphasis was placed on building, developing, constructing and forging friendship. Actively creating friendships hadn't always been something I'd given much thought to.

Prior to beginning to practice Buddhism I was working for a nursing agency as a psychiatric nurse in central London. I had a regular post on night duty, which I preferred, as it minimized my contact with people and the institutional politics. I preferred to be allowed to do my own thing, pursuing my hedonistic lifestyle. I followed a particularly passive approach to life, falling in and out of friendships and generally going with the flow. However, if a so-called friend annoyed me or upset me, my anger, arrogance and poison would boil to the surface. Dependent on how slighted I felt, I wouldn't hesitate in cutting them out of my life and I became quite masterful at blanking out the outcast in social settings.

My Buddhist practice has naturally made me develop a more proactive approach to living, and I am more conscious of my interconnectedness with life. I appreciate how my behavior as a human being can create a positive or negative effect, and so I try to create value out of every situation. I have continued to experience many challenging situations within my family, my workplace, with fellow Buddhists and within my neighborhood, all of which I have been able to transform rather than cut off or run away from.

Friendship First

I returned to Scotland two years ago with a determination to contribute to the growth of SGI-UK in Scotland and to the happiness of my family and friends. My starting point was the prayer of "First and foremost friendship!" I am also becoming increasingly actively involved within Edinburgh's Interfaith Association, Earth Charter Scotland and other local groups. Following a period of ill health, which has allowed me to develop a deeper friendship with myself, I am preparing to embark on the next phase of my career.

Crucially, my Buddhist practice has enabled me to view each challenging individual as a good friend. More often than not, the challenging situations that I have found myself in with my newfound friends have been mirrors showing me things that I need to transform to grow. Now I actively seek out new friends to help me grow and develop further. This has been the path to transforming my inner culture of control and to challenging my limiting, egocentric self. I consider myself fortunate to have a diverse selection of friends throughout the world, and I want to keep forging more fabulous friendships, as this is one sure way that I can contribute to creating a lasting peace.

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